Stay With Me
by HoneyBooBoo93
Summary: After the fatal car trip took Kurt's family away from him, he is hanging on by a thread. Caught in between life and death, it's all up to him whether he lives or dies. Will he settle with going to be with his family, or taking the leap of faith to try to make things work out with Blaine? Based loosely off the book "If I Stay" by Gayle Foreman.
1. Chapter 1

The all-too familiar chime of Kurt's alarm suddenly filled his quiet bedroom, jerking him awake and robbing him of a great dream he was in the middle of. Kurt groaned and rubbed his eyes, yawning slowly. He reached his arm out in search of his phone, desperate to quiet his alarm. As soon as he shut it off, he lay idle in his bed, still too tired to sit up and get ready for the day. He hugged his warm covers closer to his body, knowing the second he got out of bed that he would be freezing.

He could tell he was the last one to get up. The rest of the house was already awake and buzzing with activity: Carole yelled at Finn to hurry up and get in the shower, his dad turned on the morning news downstairs, and Finn slammed the bathroom door shut a little too loudly.

The temptation to just forget the trip and fall back asleep was too real. Kurt rubbed his eyes again and took a long drink from the nearly-empty water glass on his nightstand. He usually woke up early on the weekends, but today he didn't have a choice. Carole had gotten the bright idea to spend the day together in Columbus, celebrating Kurt's birthday as well as taking advantage of the Memorial Day weekend sales at the mall.

And, of course, everyone loved the thought of a day trip to get out of Lima. Kurt had been excited, too. A day full of shopping and getting to spend his birthday money certainly _sounded_ wonderful, but now that he was actually having to wake up and get going, he didn't seem so sure anymore. He and Finn had been out of school for three days, so spending the first weekend of summer with his family and without Blaine didn't suit him well.

Besides, not even twelve hours earlier they had just had their Friday Night Dinner together. They went to Breadstix for Kurt's birthday dinner, but he wasn't allowed to invite Blaine, so the whole thing was pointless.

Needless to say, he had had enough of his family for one weekend.

Kurt sighed, accepting the fact that he didn't have a choice. His dad would drag him along one way or another. But he had no choice but to get up right then if he wanted to look halfway decent. Kurt wished it was socially acceptable to go out in public in his pajamas, because he had no energy to pick out an outfit. Getting dressed at five thirty in the morning, especially on a Saturday, took so much motivation. Much more than he could muster at the moment.

Kurt finally rolled out of bed (literally rolled) once he heard Finn start singing in the shower. There was no way he would be able to relax again after having to listen to _that_.

"Kurt, come on! We're all waiting on you!" his dad called up the stairs. Kurt had finally finished doing his hair (only after Finn spent half an hour hogging the bathroom) and just needed to put on shoes.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he assured him impatiently, flicking off his lamp and making sure to grab headphones before shuffling down the stairs to the living room. Finn was on the couch, tying his shoes, and his dad and Carole were turning off the lights and closing the curtains.

"Everyone ready to go?" she asked. No one really answered as they filed out into the garage, but Kurt was ready for it to be over already.

The reason he was so pessimistic about the whole thing was because they were _supposed_ to be celebrating _his_ birthday, when in reality, everyone else was getting what they wanted instead. His dad was going to look at a car show in the morning, Carole was taking them to shop at the new Columbus mall (which didn't sound so bad to Kurt, until his dad announced that they weren't allowed to split up. Which meant spending upwards of two hours in the women's department having Carole ask his opinion on every single thing.) Even Finn was getting to pick where they ate dinner that night, leaving Kurt with nothing to look forward to. He could have spent the day home alone and had more fun.

But once they were on the road, there was no turning back. They took Carole's Highlander so everyone would have plenty of room to themselves, but Kurt still felt cramped in the backseat next to his brother.

"Mom, can we at least eat breakfast before we get on the highway?" Finn asked. Kurt despised fast food breakfasts with a passion, but because Finn wanted it, Kurt's dad stopped at the closest McDonald's and got everyone biscuits and orange juice. Kurt went ahead and ate hesitantly, even though he knew it would just upset his stomach later. He stuck his headphones in his ears, drowning out the sound of Finn's annoying iPhone game and his dad's repetitive country music station. Honestly, he just wanted to be with Blaine.

His boyfriend had to babysit his little sister, Sydney, for the day while his parents attended a fundraiser at Lima's art museum. Kurt asked his dad if they could both just tag along, but his dad made the argument that it was a "family thing" and that Kurt could see Blaine the next day.

They merged onto the highway, and Kurt leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. It was the last weekend of May and already unbelievably hot, even for early in the morning.

The drive was uneventful, and they made it to his dad's car show right at nine. Everyone was tired, but seemed to be in a good mood. Kurt just wished the day would go by as quickly as possible. He had no patience whatsoever.

That morning was possibly the hottest day in Ohio history. Kurt felt sluggish, and wanted nothing more than to sit in the car with the air on full blast, but his dad insisted they were about to leave every five minutes. (That went on for nearly three hours before they actually _did_ leave.)

They ate lunch at the mall. Granted, it was cooler indoors, but also more crowded and loud, which set off Kurt's every last nerve and made his head hurt. He was tired of his family, and wanted a break from each one of them.

Kurt was ready to go off and spend his birthday money, but his dad made them stick together, promising that they would have time to get to everyone's favorite store.

But, after spending over two hours on Carole, they barely had any time left in Columbus, if they wanted to make it back home before it got too late. So they decided to cut the mall trip short, and went ahead out for dinner.

By that point in the day, Kurt knew there was little he could do to salvage the trip, so he ate his dinner in silence, growing increasingly impatient as everyone took forever to finish eating.

"We should do this more often," Kurt's dad commented. Finn and Carole nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Kurt pretended not to hear.

"Maybe when they're having the back to school sales," Carole suggested. "And we could tour OSU while we're here. Finn, you've been talking about applying there."

"Yeah, maybe," he shrugged. "Rachel's been thinking about New York, though."

Kurt didn't want to go into how petty he thought it was that Finn would shape his entire future around someone else. But he just rolled his kept his mouth shut, mostly from annoyance. If he brought it up then _he_ would be the one his parents got mad at.

The drive home was quiet and relaxed, unlike the rest of the day, and since the sun had set, the temperature had thankfully dropped a few degrees. Kurt still had a headache, so he couldn't listen to his iPod, but he was fine without it now that he finally had some peace.

Finn had fallen asleep next to him, as well as Carole in front of him in the passenger seat. His dad was driving still, and Kurt hoped they had to be almost home. He was itching to be in his own bed and forget about the frustrating day that he had.

His dad suddenly sped up and changed lanes quickly, forcing Kurt's head back against his seat. Kurt figured he had to be going at least eighty.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, leaning to his left to see out of the windshield.

"There's some idiot back there is driving all over the place," his dad grumbled, tightening his grip on the wheel. "Probably drunk, even though it's not even midnight. We're fine, though."

Kurt sat back in his seat and was able to forget about it, but he couldn't help but panic for a second when he heard his dad swear under his breath, and jerk the wheel quickly. The sound the other truck made when it hit them jolted the rest of his family awake, and Kurt reached over for his brother as Carole's little SUV toppled down a hill. Bits of shattered glass embedded into his skin, until finally he hit his head and could no longer stay awake, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't catch his breath.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

This is it, guys. My second attempt at a full-length story. I've discovered that I'm more of a drabble girl, which explains why my drabble series has almost 150 chapters. But I need to give this a go.

This idea came to me as I was reading If I Stay by Gayle Foreman. I didn't make it all the way through the book, so the plot isn't exactly the same, I just kind of used the same concept, so if you haven't read that book then you're totally fine.

I guess you probably figured out that this takes place after season two. There are a few AU elements, so I'll go ahead and explain so you're not confused throughout the whole thing:

- When Kurt transfers back to McKinley in 2x18, Blaine transfers with him.  
- The Warblers were upset about Blaine leaving, so the slushy incident took place right before Nationals, as they wanted Kurt to be unable to compete. Blaine still jumped in front of it for him, though, and was unable to go to New York with them.  
- Kurt's dad's heart attack happened after Kurt and Blaine met.

I hope that saves everyone some confusion in later chapters! I've already written out this whole story, so updates should come fairly often. Let me know how you liked this first chapter, and chapter two will be up sometime this week depending on how you guys respond to this!


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: heavy mentions of death in this chapter. (In all the chapters going forward, I guess. This one especially, though.)

* * *

The lights were blurry at first, until Kurt managed to focus his eyes. There was an ambulance and two police cars about twenty feet from him. He wondered for a split second what had happened, until he saw the car crunched up against the tree.

It looked like a scene from a movie that Kurt got to watch take place. Officers radioed one another to communicate, paramedics hustled around to find any survivors, and the wreck itself was just _ugly_.

It was a white SUV, or rather the remains of one. _Looks like Carole's car…_ Kurt went on to see things closer. He could make out a boy in the backseat, the only one that had yet to be pulled out. A burly paramedic attempted to jack open the door, and finally succeeded on his third try.

He and a team of two others who had joined him eased the unconscious boy onto the ground and went straight to work trying to save his life, not sparing a second. Kurt hovered over them, watching curiously and walking around them for a better view, but the moment he laid eyes on the person's face, his heart broke into a million different pieces.

_Finn._ His brother had been in that wreck. He was unconscious, maybe even worse. _No._ Kurt refused to believe that. They had just been driving down the highway just fine. It couldn't be that serious. Kurt felt his pulse get faster as he looked around him quickly, struggling to take it all in. If Finn was there, his parents had to be nearby, but Kurt didn't want to think about what condition they would be in. The front of the car had the worst damage, but maybe, hopefully, they would be okay.

"Finn," Kurt tried, bending down in between two of the men working on him. They didn't seem to notice. "Finn!"

His brother's eyes remained shut, his body still. Kurt began to cry immediately as he watched the horror unfold. Kurt took his limp hand and squeezed it, desperate for a reaction, but receiving none.

He couldn't take it anymore. Kurt stood and backed away, trying to erase the images of his brother from his mind as panic took over inside of him. He darted around the scene as fast as he could, anxious to locate his father and stepmother.

"Dad!" Kurt called out. It was too dark to see very well. A policeman passed by Kurt without acknowledging him, but Kurt tried to stop him. "Where's my dad? You have to help me! He was driving this car but I don't know what happened to him!"

The cop walked on, unfazed. Kurt kept going, but when he finally saw his parents, he wished he hadn't. Kurt wanted to throw up and run over to them at the same time, but his legs were frozen. He couldn't breathe at all. Seeing them plus Finn in the condition they were in made Kurt want nothing else but to die.

But once he had taken a step back and was able to look away, Kurt realized something. What if he _was_ dead? There had to be a reason why the rest of his family was so injured, and he was walking around just fine. Perhaps it was a dream?

Kurt pinched his arm experimentally. Definitely not a dream. He was fully conscious, and watching his family be torn away from him with his own two eyes.

But he _remembered_ being in the same car as the rest of them. Not even half an hour earlier. Kurt was too freaked out to think straight. He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to wake up from his nightmare, but most of all, he wanted reassurance that his family was okay and he was just seeing things.

Kurt sat down on the grass, alone and away from everyone else, his eyes watery as he unsuccessfully tried not to cry. He watched the paramedics in their valiant attempt to save Finn, but once he saw one of them shake his head grimly, the other two took notice and stopped trying to make his heart beat again. They stayed by him for a few more moments before they stood and went over to the police. Kurt knew what that meant, but wasn't about to let it stand.

"No, you have to help him!" Kurt cried, on his feet in an instant and grabbing the paramedic by his arm. "He's _not_ dead, go save him! You didn't even try!"

He wasn't heard. No one could hear his desperate pleas, and he was certain he was invisible as well. Kurt didn't know what the problem was, but it was frustrating. It was like being in a nightmare and unable to call for help.

But this was reality, and reality _hurt._

"I need some help over here!"

The EMTs cut their conversation with the officer short, and rushed over to the other one that had called for assistance. Kurt could see fourth mangled body in his arms, and as much as he didn't want to, he knew he had to see.

The four of them worked feverishly over the patient, who seemed to be on the brink of death. Kurt looked down at the person's shoes and instantly knew.

It was _him._ He hadn't escaped unharmed. It was starting to make sense to him, just a little bit. Kurt wasn't dead, but not unharmed, either. He was stuck somewhere in the great big Middle, able to watch what was going on without actually experiencing anything for himself. It was pretty trippy, and could potentially be enjoyable in ordinary situations, but Kurt didn't like this one bit. He didn't want to see his brother die in front of him. If the rest of his family was already dead, then it wasn't fair that Kurt had to watch the aftermath like it was some sick TV program.

He stepped away from where the paramedics fought to save his life, and watched the police and a separate team of medics dealt with his parents and Finn. Kurt knew in the back of his mind that it would be the last time he saw them, even though he couldn't admit it to himself.

But the thought reduced him to tears all over again, and he rushed to get to see them one last time. After drunk driving took the life of his mom, Kurt had promised to always be safe and careful on the road. But in that moment it didn't matter how hard he or his dad had _tried_. There was no going back. Kurt would always hate the finality of death. He remembered the moment his life had changed completely.

* * *

The hospital was not a fun place, Kurt decided. Too much sadness packed into one building couldn't possibly be healthy.

He was curled up in a stiff, plastic waiting room chair while his dad talked to a police officer. He didn't know all of the details, but his mom had been in a car wreck while returning from out of town. Kurt just wished they would let him see her already. He wanted to know if she was okay or not.

But he found out, about fifteen minutes later. His dad returned from his conversation with the cop, and he picked Kurt up and sat him on his lap. Kurt wrapped his arm around his dad's neck, needing physical reassurance that things would be okay.

He was just about to ask where his mom was and why they couldn't see her when his dad started to cry. Kurt had never ever seen him cry before. That was when he knew.

His dad managed to explain what had happened to him, without going into too many details. But in that moment, it felt like the world was ending. Nothing would ever be the same anymore, and Kurt didn't see how he could live without a mother. He couldn't do it…

Kurt listened while his dad tried to assure him that they would be okay, but he didn't believe it. He didn't see how they could make it, just the two of them. Things would never be the same anymore.

* * *

Kurt remembered how hopeless he felt that night, and for several weeks and months after that. Of course, he was only eight years old, but now he was eighteen, and dealing with a loss three times that size. If he felt hopeless then, it didn't compare to anything he was feeling at the moment.

The officers had taken his parents away already, leaving Kurt with no one. Nothing and no one to hold onto as he tried to wrap his brain around the events of the last hour. He had never felt more alone before. It was the grief of his mom's death to the third degree, and Kurt just wanted to be with them. He didn't want a world without his dad's annoying sports games, or Finn's obnoxious shower singing, or Carole's perfectly cooked food. It would never be the same.

The police were in their car next to Kurt, windows down and having a candid discussion. Kurt tuned in to eavesdrop, but didn't like what he heard.

"They'll have to notify someone right away. An aunt, grandparents, _someone_. If the kid lives he'll be an orphan. Go ahead and call the office. Have them send a social worker to Lima Memorial. His medical records are probably on file there."

Kurt didn't want to believe in life after this. Even if he _did_ live, which didn't seem likely to happen, based on his appearance, he didn't want to finish out high school under someone else's roof. Their deaths changed _everything._

Kurt felt too numb at that point to cry. He still expected that he would wake up any minute. He would be in his own bed, and Carole would cook breakfast, and Rachel would come over and she and Finn would make out on the couch. It was disgusting, but it was normal. And normal was the only thing Kurt wanted at that point. Something so little that suddenly seemed like so much.

The police stayed behind to deal with the car, while the paramedics moved a still unconscious Kurt into the ambulance that. Kurt himself slipped in behind them before they shut the doors, and tried not to look at his bloody face.

He was a mess. There were pieces of glass of all sizes everywhere, his left arm was completely misaligned and painful just to look at, and his leg was splinted tightly, even though Kurt couldn't tell what was wrong with it.

"You just hang in there," one of the two women said to him, pushing back a lock of his hair as she tightened his neck brace. "You can't let go now, honey. It'll all be okay if you just stick with us."

Kurt didn't see how he was supposed to "hang in there." He didn't really have a choice over anything that happened. If he _did_, he would still be in the backseat with his brother, thankful just to be with him again. Sure, he had been fed up with all of them, but everything changed the minute the other car hit them and they crashed into the tree. But as much as Kurt loved the three of them, he would never get to tell them again.

He watched with unfocused eyes as a different paramedic took every breath for him, not faltering once as he pushed air into his lungs. They had hooked him up to a blood pressure and heart monitor, only for Kurt to discover for himself that he was just barely making it. His heart beat too fast, and his blood pressure was too low. He just wondered when he would regain consciousness within himself. The whole out-of-body thing still didn't bode well with him.

Kurt didn't like the close confines of the ambulance. He hated looking down at his own broken body.

As Kurt's vitals continued to steadily decline, he held his breath in worry and anticipation for what was to come next. What would it feel like to die? Kurt hoped it wouldn't hurt. He hadn't been able to feel any of his other injuries, so maybe he would get lucky and go peacefully.

He wondered what would become of himself. If his body died, would Kurt still see it unravel like he had seen happen to his other family members? He didn't want to be reduced to a _ghost_. That idea seemed too crazy for him.

"He's not getting enough oxygen," one of the paramedics pointed out urgently. "Get him on four liters a minute."

Kurt exhaled when he realized he had been holding his breath, and his body's oxygen levels improved just the slightest bit over the next several seconds. He hadn't known he could control his body externally like that. He tried it again experimentally, holding his breath for a minute or two, just until they took notice, but then he exhaled and continued to breathe regularly. Kurt didn't try again; he didn't want to hurt himself or give the paramedics any more reason to panic. But he began to wonder- if he could control whether or not he was able to breathe, certainly Kurt would be able to control whether or not he _lived._

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Well you guys seemed to like the first chapter to this yesterday, so here is the second one! You might be kind of confused, but I promise it'll start to make sense as the story goes on! Let me know what you think! Chapter three should be up by Thursday!


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt could tell they were nearing the hospital, and as they drove he couldn't help but wonder if what the paramedic had whispered to him earlier could hold some truth. She told him to hold on and stay around for a little longer, and Kurt had always seen that in the movies and stuff, but never figured out how a person that was barely holding onto life could make such a decision when they weren't even conscious.

But now he realized. Kurt didn't understand the whole thing, but he had come to learn that everything was up to him, whether he lived or died. The doctors, Blaine, his grandparents and relatives- none of them could make the decision. The responsibility fell completely on Kurt's shoulders.

And it was overwhelming, to put it simply. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone, without a family to spend it with. If living meant living miserably, then it just wasn't worth it.

But Kurt forced himself to take a deep breath and stop thinking about it. He could put the decision off, at least until the doctors got him in better shape.

The hospital was quiet, but things picked up once the paramedics brought Kurt in. Nurses paged for doctors, and doctors paged for specialists. Kurt had to run to keep up as they took his body down to a bay, cut off his dirty, bloody clothes, and hooked him up to what looked like a million different monitors and machines.

He wanted his dad. Kurt didn't want to go through the hospital experience alone. If anyone could help reassure him, it would be his dad. And as the bright lights of the hospital started to give Kurt a headache, he could tell just how alone he was now. There was no one to call, no one to come and help and make everything better.

No one to stay for.

Kurt heard one nurse on the phone, and quickly figured out she wasn't talking to just another doctor.

"Hi, can I please speak to Blaine Anderson? Mr. Anderson, I'm down at Lima Memorial Hospital, and someone named Kurt Hummel has just been brought in. You were listed as an emergency contact in his phone. Are you family? Well, there was a wreck northbound on highway one-seventeen. He's the only survivor, but is still in critical condition. Now, they're still trying to get him stabilized, but he doesn't seem to have any other relatives in his phone or on his medical record… No, I'm afraid only family is allowed back in the ICU. He's most likely going to be taken into surgery here shortly, but if you decide to come wait in the waiting room, we can give you updates while you wait for a relative to show up. Uh huh, you're welcome. Goodnight."

Kurt hadn't even thought about Blaine. His boyfriend was going to be out of his mind. He probably already was, now that the nurse had called him with the news. And he wouldn't even be allowed back to see him. Kurt could go out into the waiting room with him, but Blaine would have no earthly idea he was even there.

He wanted to die for his family but live for his boyfriend at the same time. It sounded stupid, but it was the truth. Without Blaine, the decision would have already been made for Kurt.

He still had a lot to think through, but for the time being, he knew he needed to hang on for Blaine's sake. If his boyfriend made it to the hospital only to find out it was too late, he would be crushed. Kurt knew he couldn't rob him of a last moment that he was robbed of with his family. After going through that, Kurt wouldn't wish the feeling on anyone.

He glanced back at his bashed body, as the doctors tried to set his shoulder into position. He didn't like looking at himself, so he went on into the waiting room. Blaine would most likely be there within a few minutes. Kurt just wanted him to be safe driving. That had already caused enough heartbreak for one night. He didn't need a fourth tragedy.

Kurt sat in an empty corner of the room and sighed. He hadn't really been able to take a deep breath since the accident first happened. Even though Blaine couldn't provide him any comfort, Kurt hoped it would be reassuring just to have him there. As he waited, his mind drifted back to a moment that had happened just months before, possibly the happiest point of his whole junior year.

* * *

After the second kiss, Kurt was certain he was dreaming. To think that Blaine returned the feelings that Kurt expressed towards him was unbelievable. No one had ever had a crush on him.

But there he was, grinning like an idiot after sharing not only his first, but _second_ real kiss. Blaine grinned back, and they both were speechless as they caught their breath.

But Kurt's ecstasy quickly faded once he figured out _why_ Blaine had kissed him: he felt sorry for him. Kurt was still transitioning to Dalton, Pavarotti had passed away, and he was a mess. Blaine hadn't kissed him because he liked him. Blaine had kissed him because he felt pity for him.

"You didn't have to do that," Kurt mumbled, looking down at the floor awkwardly. He didn't want Blaine to get the wrong idea from him.

"Do what?" Blaine asked, not breaking his gaze at Kurt. He reached over and tipped Kurt's chin up again. Kurt looked him in the eyes hesitantly, not wanting to say it.

"You didn't have to kiss me because you feel bad for me," Kurt blurted out. He turned to finish working on Pavarotti's casket, but set his glue gun down in frustration. "I'm making a casket for a _bird_, and you've seen how stressed I am with the homework here, and regionals coming up, and I just- you weren't obligated to do that to help me feel better."

Blaine paused for a second, and then moved closer to Kurt, putting his hand on his knee. "I didn't kiss you because I feel bad for you. I kissed you because I _wanted_ to. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, getting to do this duet with you. I care about you enough to want to help you, not just give you a stupid kiss when things get a little rough. And no matter how we do at regionals, it'll be the time of my life just getting to sing with you. And I want you to believe that, because it's true."

Kurt stared up at him, lost in his eyes for a brief second before he nodded slowly in agreement. "S-so you think this will become… a-a _thing_?" The idea of dating Blaine was something beyond Kurt's wildest dreams. Just a few months earlier he had been at one of the lowest points of his life, but to think he had a chance to date the most fantastic guy he had ever met, well, that had to be something out of his control.

"I would love the honor of calling you my boyfriend," Blaine said, putting his hand on top of Kurt's and quickly adding, "and I know things have been stressful lately, so if you're not ready for that right now, I-I get it, we can just get through regionals and then-"

"Yes," Kurt interrupted, not believing what he was actually hearing. Blaine wanted to be his boyfriend. It wasn't all in his imagination. He couldn't think of any more words, so he waited for Blaine to make the next move, until he realized they both wanted the same thing. Kurt glanced back at him, the corner of Blaine's mouth turned up, and they were leaning into each other a third time, Kurt wondering how he wound up with someone so _right_, and Blaine forever asking himself how in the world he got so lucky.

* * *

The doors to the waiting room flew open, and in rushed Blaine like a madman, looking around for any familiar faces before he went straight for the receptionist's desk. Kurt rushed to his side and folded his arms around Blaine's waist, desperate for some physical contact.

"You're here," he exhaled. He knew Blaine couldn't hear or feel him. But he was there. Even though he felt a million miles away.

"Um, I'm looking for Kurt Hummel," Blaine stammered. His poor hands were trembling as he tried to sign his name on the sheet. "I got a call…"

Kurt put his head on his boyfriend's shoulder and leaned against him gently. He hated having to see Blaine in such a panic, especially when Kurt was just _right there._ It was the most frustrating thing he'd ever experienced.

"They're just about to move him into surgery," the nurse informed him. "It'll be several hours. You can take a seat and wait or leave and we'll give you a call when he's done."

"I'm staying," he said firmly. "B-but, how is he? Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know anything, sweetheart," she shrugged, and adjusted her librarian-style glasses. "I would just say he's lucky to be alive. I'll let one of the nurse's know you're here, and she'll keep you updated."

Blaine nodded wordlessly, his mouth hanging open slightly, almost out of disbelief. He slowly turned to take a seat, and Kurt watched as he put his face in his hands, shaking his head and choking out each breath. Kurt sat beside him and put a weightless hand on his back, just wishing Blaine would know he was there. He didn't care if Blaine still couldn't feel him, Kurt just wanted him to _know, _because he knew what being alone felt like, certainly now, and didn't want Blaine to feel that way.

Kurt moved his hands to wrap around Blaine's upper arm, and he sat and cried along with him. He tried to remember a time when he had seen his boyfriend cry, but wasn't able to come up with a single instance. Kurt felt bad for making him upset when he was normally so unemotional, but there was nothing he could do except watch Blaine deal with it himself.

After his boyfriend had finally calmed himself down, he pulled out his phone to let the rest of their friends know what had gone on. Kurt knew Blaine probably wasn't going to get any sleep at all. After sitting with him for a few more minutes, Kurt got up, and took one last look back at his boyfriend before going back to see what was going on with himself. He still had a big decision hanging over his head, and Blaine suddenly made things infinitely more complicated.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Here's chapter three! I hope this made a little bit more sense than the last one. But if you're still not understanding it's basically that Kurt is just having an out of body experience, and he's caught right on the edge of life and death, so it's up to him whether he lives or dies. I hope that little summary help those who still were in the dark!

But on another note thanks for all the reviews and favorites and follows for this story! It makes me really happy to see that you're liking it. Let me know what you thought of this one, and if you liked it I'll get chapter four up tomorrow for you!


	4. Chapter 4

The operating room was cold.

At first, Kurt hadn't been able to feel heat or coldness, but he could tell he was slowly growing more and more sensitive to his environment. He wasn't sure if that was _him_ or just his body. He hadn't exactly gotten a handbook on the whole out-of-body experience.

The analog clock on the wall showed it was just after one in the morning. Kurt didn't feel tired, but he assumed if he fell asleep then he would never wake up. He wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. Not just yet.

He wasn't even sure what kind of surgery they were about to perform on him. It was obvious his arm was broken, but he was unsure what else was wrong with him. He still couldn't feel any pain, thank goodness.

The nurse held his hand. Kurt remembered her as the one who called Blaine on the phone earlier to give him the bad news. Her ID tag clipped on her scrubs said her name was Shelly. She sat by Kurt's head and adjusted his breathing tube before bending down to whisper in his ear.

It felt weird. Kurt sat across the room, but he could still hear her voice as if she was just inches away. "This is all up to you now, honey. We've worked our butts off for you to live, but the choice is yours. I can tell you're a fighter."

Kurt knew he had the ability to survive the operation, but he didn't know if he could mentally last however many more hours_._ He had no family left. Blaine was the only reason he was even considering sticking around, but Kurt knew if he would just hold his breath that he could be with his mom, dad, Carole, and Finn again in just a matter of minutes.

He briefly considered it as he watched the surgeons begin their tedious work over him. Kurt remembered when Blaine had his eye surgery a month after their first kiss. It was extremely rough on both of them, only now the situation was reversed, and the stakes raised tenfold.

* * *

Kurt had skipped school that day. Blaine lived in Lima and boarded at Dalton in Westerville, just like he did, so Kurt took left on Thursday afternoon and was able to be at the hospital for Blaine's surgery the next morning.

His parents were there, but they didn't seem nearly as worried as Kurt was. On top of all of his panic, he couldn't help but feel _guilty_, too. That should've been him in the operating room. But Blaine took the hit for him, and was paying the price.

"Kurt, please sit down," Blaine's mother begged. "Everything's going to be just fine. They're probably already done by now. It should just be a few more minutes."

Kurt didn't realize he had been pacing for the better part of the hour and a half that Blaine had been back in surgery. He took a seat next to Blaine's mom and forced himself to take a breath. It was just his eye. Nothing life-threatening. His eye.

"I'm just sorry this whole thing happened," he said, blinking quickly to keep from crying. Blaine had made Kurt promise that he wouldn't cry.

Blaine's mother took his hand and rubbed his knuckles. "It's not your fault, dear. And it's certainly not your job to worry."

Kurt nodded as he listened to her words, but didn't absorb them. He still knew in the back of his mind that it was his fault, and nothing could change that.

The doctor came out fifteen minutes later to let them know that everything had gone great and Blaine would be able to leave the hospital that afternoon as long as everything remained okay. That came as a relief to Kurt, who had envisioned a prolonged hospital stay, Blaine hooked up to all kinds of monitors, and scary nurses prodding him with needles.

"Can I see him?" Kurt asked the doctor anxiously, folding his hands together.

They were led down a quiet corridor to a tiny room, barely big enough to hold all of them. Blaine was already awake, surprisingly, and held his hand up, almost in a wave, as he watched everyone file in.

"Blaine," Kurt gushed, at his side in a heartbeat, taking his hand and making sure his eye patch provided well enough protection. He continued to fuss over him while the doctor filled Blaine's parents in on how the surgery went.

"Hi," Blaine mumbled. His hair wasn't gelled, so he looked incredibly different than Kurt was used to seeing him. But however he looked, it just came as such a huge relief to Kurt that he had made it through the surgery and could finally start getting better.

"How are you feeling?" Kurt asked him. He felt like it was his job to take care of whatever Blaine needed. It was his fault he was there in the first place.

"It hurts a little," Blaine confessed, sounding distressed. He was barely awake and still weak, but his grip on Kurt's hand tightened, sending Kurt into a full-blown panic. Blaine already had an IV of pain medicine, so there wasn't much Kurt could do for him. The doctor was leaving, and Blaine's parent's joined him.

"Hi, Blainey," his mom cooed, taking Blaine's other hand in hers. "Guess what? We get to leave here in a few hours. You can sleep in your own bed tonight."

"My eye hurts," Blaine whined, more forcefully the second time. Kurt watched his mother fuss over him in a struggle to make him comfortable and pain-free, and Kurt remembered the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. _He_ was the one who had caused Blaine all the pain and distress. Guilt was perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world, but then relief came when Blaine finally started to feel better several minutes later, and even laughed at a joke his dad made.

Kurt felt the tension slowly leave him, now that Blaine felt better. He didn't feel quite at fault, and was able to focus on Blaine and his needs for the rest of the day. His worry hadn't been for nothing, but at least he didn't feel as bad.

* * *

Kurt knew if he had been so panicked over Blaine's little eye surgery, his boyfriend was probably about to have a heart attack back out in the waiting room. Kurt felt awful for putting him through a waiting game like that. He knew if he just ended things right away, it would minimize the pain for both of them.

Blaine wouldn't have to wait forever, wondering if Kurt would even survive his operation. The nurse could just come out and tell him, and Blaine would move on, and Kurt wouldn't have to deal with the physical pain of what was likely to be months of recovery from his physical injuries. He could spend all the time he liked with the people he loved the most, and never have another worry in the world. It was a win-win.

Kurt closed his eyes. It was hard to suffocate himself, but he did his best to not back down. His monitor started to chirp at first, then the surgeons took notice tried to stabilize him. And Kurt still didn't breathe.

"He's losing too much blood," one of them panicked. "His BP is dropping!"

"His pulse ox is 86% and dropping," nurse Shelly reported. She adjusted something on the ventilator while the other two nurses in the room set him up for a blood transfusion at rapid speed.

Kurt watched everything unfold as the blackness slowly crept into his vision. The stupid doctors sure were making it hard to die. But if they, a group of complete strangers, wanted Kurt to live to see the end of the surgery, then why didn't he?

Kurt let out his breath in desperation as every single one of them fought to keep him alive. He took several minutes to catch his breath before his blood pressure normalized and oxygen levels raised to normal levels. And everyone seemed relieved, especially Shelly, who remained faithfully by his side.

"I knew you could do it. Keep fighting, sweetheart. The battle's just begun."

Kurt was getting a little annoyed with all her talk about fighting and battles, but as cheesy as it sounded, he took it to heart. He _had_ to fight through the surgery. Whether he went to be with his family or not, he owed it to Blaine to give him a last moment, and some last words. It wouldn't be fair not to. So, once again, he put it off. For just a little longer.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Ugh I promise this plot is going to pick up soon. The book I based it off of was too boring for me to get through, so I tried to make my story a little more interesting! Anyways. Let me know what you thought! Chapter five will be up either tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on my schedule. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

"You're going to get your hair wet whether you get in yourself or I have to make you," Blaine threatened, sitting on the edge of his swimming pool with his feet in the water, while Kurt read a magazine on one of the lounge chairs behind him. "It's too hot to be comfortable, Kurt. Just get in the water, already. Whatever you've been told, the chlorine isn't bad for you or your hair. Now would you please come on?"

Kurt pushed his sunglasses down and looked at Blaine skeptically. "I'm perfectly fine right here, thanks. Whenever you're done splashing around we can go inside and cool off."

Blaine sighed impatiently and stood up, his feet dripping water over the cement. Forcing Kurt to his feet wasn't a hard task, but getting him in the water was easier said than done.

"No, Blaine!" he cried, laughing as Blaine tried to push him towards the edge. Kurt was taller, but he weighed less and wasn't able to put up a fight against his boyfriend.

Thankfully Blaine only pushed him into the shallow end, so his hair was still dry and safe. Blaine jumped in after him and wrapped his hand around Kurt's ankle, causing him to jump as it startled him.

"Asshole," he teased, giving Blaine a shove once he resurfaced.

"You're the asshole who won't get his hair wet," Blaine teased back, pushing Kurt into the deeper end of the oval-shaped pool. Kurt had never been much of a swimmer, but he wasn't necessarily _bad_ at it. He just reached out to hold onto the edge to keep his head from going underwater. Just in case.

Blaine still wouldn't give up, though. Kurt was annoyed by that point, and tried to push him away, but Blaine managed to get Kurt by the head and dunk him underwater, not even daring to stop when Kurt thrashed his arms and kicked his legs in the water, trying to break free.

He could hear Blaine laughing at the surface; the water distorted the sound slightly. Kurt had his eyes open, and the water was starting to make them burn. He grabbed at Blaine's wrist, but he was losing oxygen too quickly. When he couldn't fight against Blaine any longer, he felt himself sink lower as his air supply quickly emptied. Kurt opened his mouth out of habit, taking in a gulp of pool water that instantly choked him. He remembered thinking how painful it was to drown, and never expected it to be because of his boyfriend…

"Kurt? Oh my gosh, Kurt, can you hear me?"

The sunlight was bright in Kurt's eyes, and he moved his arm up over his eyes to block it out. He thought for sure he was dead, until he realized it was Blaine that was desperately repeating his name over and over.

"Kurt?"

Kurt suddenly began to cough painfully for several seconds, and Blaine rapped him on the back harshly.

"Ow," he moaned, his voice barely functioning. "My throat…" It felt like someone had set a fire in his throat, and it was made worse every time he tried to swallow.

"I'm so sorry," Blaine gushed, wrapping his arms around Kurt, who suddenly felt freezing cold as a breeze picked up. His head felt foggy as he tried to take in the situation, and he continued to cough up more water.

"Gosh, I'm so sorry," Blaine continued, talking a mile a minute. "I just wanted to have some fun. You came back up and you weren't breathing, and you were out for, like, two minutes, and-"

"Stop," Kurt whined. "It's okay." Everything was too overwhelming. He remembered what had happened, including the terrifying feeling of what it felt like to actually be drowning. It was unlike anything he had ever felt, being completely immersed and unable to reach the surface, or even breathe. He had felt so helpless, and shuddered at the brief memory.

"I'm so sorry," Blaine said for the millionth time, holding Kurt closer. Kurt forgave him for being an idiot, but could never forget the haunting feeling it had left him with…

* * *

Kurt opened his eyes to an empty, dark operating room. He held his head up, and rubbed at his neck when he realized how stiff it had become. Kurt didn't know his subconscious was capable of falling asleep on its own. But, at least he was reassured that he could doze off and _not_ automatically die.

Kurt's mood quickly changed as he recalled his dream. That had taken place just two weeks earlier at Blaine's house. Even though the incident was seemingly forgotten after cooling off inside the Anderson's spacious kitchen, Kurt hadn't been able to shake the fear it instilled inside of him.

In a way, it was almost the same feeling as his current situation. He wasn't physically underwater, but the baggage of his dead family combined with the serious injuries he had received himself, and a life-altering decision still looming in the distance was quickly pulling him under.

Kurt leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands on his face. It was so _lonely_ being unable to have any contact with anyone. He wasn't sure how much he could take anymore. The idea of living the rest of his life out without a family was enough to drag him down completely.

Kurt stood before he could think too hard. He stretched his back, and panic arose in his chest. He needed to find Blaine. And where had they moved his _own_ body? Kurt glanced up at the clock and did some quick math. His surgery had started around one, and it was not quite six-thirty. He could have been sitting in an empty room for hours.

Without figuring out a real plan, Kurt pushed open the OR doors and wandered down the empty corridor. He didn't think he was healthy enough to be in the general ward. He took the elevator to the ICU floor, but made a quick detour to the waiting room.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Only family is allowed in intensive care," an obnoxious voice said. Kurt rounded the corner and saw the same receptionist from hours earlier talking with Blaine at her window.

"I'm his only family left," Blaine argued. He looked terribly unkempt, and Kurt was willing to bet he hadn't slept a wink all night. He shuffled closer to catch the rest of the exchange. "I need to see him. If they're going to pull the plug, I deserve a goodbye as much as anyone else. All he has left are his friends."

The woman shrugged and put her hands on her hips. Kurt's initial anger had been replaced by shock. _The doctors weren't going to keep him alive anymore._ Not unless he ended things on his own, or fought to live. Before hearing Blaine's words, Kurt had felt somewhat detached from the decision. But it had finally hit him like a train, right in the face. Whatever he did was _permanent._ No take backs. He couldn't be with his family and then decide he wanted to live out his life with Blaine. He knew better than to think it worked any other way.

Kurt leaned his head back against the wall and took a breath. He wasn't capable of taking on something so _big._

"I'll get a nurse to come out and give you an update," the receptionist finally agreed. "You're over 16, so if a family member of his gives explicit permission, you can visit him in the ICU during the normal hours."

Blaine nodded along with her every word and thanked her repeatedly. As much as Kurt loved catching up with his boyfriend, he was really itching to see how he himself was doing, especially with the breaking news that they were considering pulling the plug.

It wasn't hard to find himself in the ICU. He was attached to the most machines, and Kurt could barely recognize his own face from the amount of stitches that covered his face. His left arm was a mess, wrapped heavily in bandages and unnaturally swollen.

Kurt's mind rewound back to less than twelve hours earlier. He had reached out for Finn in the car, and could remember the distinct 'snap' his bones made as they were crushed.

He moved on, taking a mental inventory of his noticeable injuries. Other than the stitches and his arm, the only other thing that seemed hurt was his right leg, which wasn't visible from the blanket covering it, but Kurt could tell it was swollen to a larger size than his left one.

Kurt took a seat, even though he couldn't bear the sight of his own body. Instead he watched the ventilator as it took every breath for him, without faltering once. Kurt didn't believe in miracles, but he knew he was lucky to be alive.

He tried to picture himself living to see another real day. He knew he only had a small window left before the doctors unplugged him. Kurt tried to picture himself waking up for real, having to recover from both the physical and emotional side of the wreck. He tried to think of who would take him for his final year of high school, assuming he would be able to go back in three months.

His Aunt Mildred lived in Chicago. She was his mother's sister, and never really came around much, although she sent Kurt a birthday card with a heavy check, so he could see some advantages of staying with her.

His Uncle Andy lived in Texas. He was Kurt's dad's brother, and he and his family owned a ranch. They were intense Christians that homeschooled their kids and didn't own cars. Kurt didn't consider them for more than a second.

His dad's parents lived in Louisville, just a little closer to Lima than Aunt Mildred. Kurt knew they were loaded financially, and they had briefly talked before about wanting to move to Ohio. If they would let Kurt stay in Lima, it could work out for all three of them.

Kurt forced himself to take a step back, though. Just because his family was _able_ to take him in didn't mean they were _willing._ What if no one wanted him? He could possibly live off his parent's life insurance, since he had just turned eighteen, but that wouldn't be desirable for anybody.

He looked down at himself again, and watched anxiously as one of his monitors began to beep erratically. A nurse hurried in, one Kurt didn't recognize, and she quickly injected a syringe into his IV, and his body immediately stilled. Kurt figured he had stressed himself out too much, thinking about the future when he really needed to be considering the _now._

Kurt sat in silence until he lost track of time, thinking about nothing and yet worrying about everything all at the same time. He saw a dim light from the window on the opposite side of the room, and figured it was about time for the sun to be coming up. Kurt crossed the room, thankful to be facing east so he could see all of it. It made him think back to another memory he and Blaine shared, one that came not too long after their first kiss.

* * *

They were all exhausted, but still insisted on partying on until morning. Kurt was nearly asleep, even though the other guys had constantly forced caffeine on him all night. He just wanted his own bed.

"Kurt?" Blaine said hesitantly. Kurt was curled up on Wes's bed, eyes closed. He could vaguely hear Blaine's voice drown out the sound of the annoying videogame the others were engrossed in.

Every year, before spring break, the upperclassmen Warblers held their famous all-nighter in the senior dorms. Since they weren't required to have a roommate, everyone was able to come over for one night, spend several hours engrossed in a _Star Wars _marathon, and, on top of everything else, no one was allowed to sleep.

"Hm?" Kurt opened his eyes quickly, in case anyone else had noticed him dozing.

"Come on." Blaine offered his hand, and Kurt stood up and yawned. It wasn't even six in the morning.

"Where are we going?" Kurt asked hesitantly. No one had left the party, except to go get pizza the night before. He didn't think anyone would notice if they left, though. They were all acting like zombies by that point.

Blaine quietly opened the door and pulled Kurt out into the hall. All the other students were either asleep or already back at home for the break, so they were the only two roaming the halls.

Kurt followed Blaine outside, and he instantly began to shiver. The sun wasn't up yet, even though Kurt could tell it was just on the verge. Blaine took a seat on a bench in between the science and fine arts buildings. It overlooked the lake where the rowing team practiced, and the vast spread of trees that went on beyond the campus borders.

"Did you wake me up just to watch the sunrise? Because if you did, that's one of the cheesiest romantic moves in the history of-"

"Kurt, just sit."

Kurt took a seat on the cold metal bench, and Blaine instantly removed his hoodie to give to him. Kurt felt bad accepting it, and tried to give it back, but Blaine draped it over his shoulders anyway.

"I guess it's nice," he admitted, and yawned. "Even if I'm too tired to fully appreciate it. Thanks… for this."

Blaine just smiled and wrapped his arm around Kurt as the sun began to rise. Kurt was on the edge of dozing as he laid his head against Blaine's shoulder, but the orange sunlight against the trees was too beautiful not to watch.

They sat like that, silent and cold and all-eyes as the sun eventually became too bright to look at. Kurt sat up, and Blaine looked at him expectantly. Something about being there with _just Blaine_ and being alone and together at the same time and the beauty of the whole thing made him beyond happy, and filled him with a new kind of energy.

"That was… great." Kurt couldn't think of any other words. Blaine smiled, so he smiled. In that moment, it was just the two of them, two idiots in love and happy beyond words.

"I don't really want to go back to the Warblers party," Blaine confessed, rubbing his eyes. "Patrick already went home for the break. We could go back to my room and you could sleep in his bed. We can drive back to Lima later today."

Kurt nodded, disappointed that Blaine hadn't invited him to share his bed. But then again, Blaine had a tendency to kick in his sleep, so that wasn't a good idea.

They leaned into the kiss at the exact same moment, as if a time bomb had gone off and they both just _knew. _It was of their happiest moments as a couple, making out on an empty bench in the freezing cold at their nearly-deserted school as the sun shone down on their faces. Kurt knew he would never forget the moment, no matter what became of him and Blaine.

* * *

As Kurt thought back to that morning not even three months earlier, he could almost still feel how happy he felt in that moment. That feeling had been rare for him, until he met Blaine. Leaving that behind would take the ultimate act of courage, even though that seemed to be the foundation of their relationship.

Kurt didn't want to think that that chilly March morning would be the last sunrise he shared with Blaine. After spring break ended, their busy lives picked up again, and they hadn't had time to do it. Kurt made a mental note that, if he decided to stay for Blaine, they had to go see the sunrise as soon as he was out of the hospital.

But Kurt could feel the time ticking away. He retreated from the ICU window back to his bedside, and knew he needed to pick a side before the doctors took over. The longer he remained unconscious and unresponsive, the lower the chances were in his favor.

He still had so much to think about, though. Kurt knew he needed to be alone, and without distraction. He remembered seeing a sign for the hospital chapel down by the cafeteria, so he decided to try there. Even though he didn't want to get into the religious side of it, he could at least go and sit to get some clarity. At that point, anything was worth a try.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Here's chapter five! In case you haven't already noticed, a large portion of this story is told through flashbacks. Some are canon, some not, but I tried to make them really relate to what's going on. Hope you liked it!


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt left the ICU, and almost immediately his mood improved (well, considering the situation he was already in). Everything about the intensive care wing made him feel depressed.

He didn't know exactly where the chapel was, so he decided to make a quick run back to the waiting room. Kurt hoped his family was finally there so they could let Blaine back to see him.

He didn't spot any of his relatives, but he did see several familiar faces. Rachel, Mercedes, Quinn and Puck were all huddled in Blaine's corner of the waiting room.

No one said a word. Blaine looked like a zombie from being awake and crying all night. Mercedes and Quinn cried quietly, each trying to comfort the other. Puck was barely keeping it together; he went back and forth between sitting, shaking his head and punching the wall every so often, until the receptionist threatened to call security.

Rachel seemed to be doing even worse than Puck, though. She stood a few feet away from the rest of them, hugging herself and trembling slightly. She wouldn't let anyone touch her or talk to her. When Mercedes finally tried to speak up, Rachel covered her ears and sat down, sobbing hysterically. It was painful for all of them, including Kurt, to watch.

The four of them had decided to leave Rachel alone for the time being, and it was quiet before Mercedes spoke up. Kurt moved closer to listen.

"Kurt better wake up soon," Mercedes said, and sniffled. She lowered her voice. "Rachel can't go to New York alone, not without her best friend. We all need him."

Blaine was still zoned out, and Kurt didn't think he was completely awake. Quinn nodded in agreement with Mercedes, and leaned in close to mumbled something Kurt didn't catch. Puck finally sat down after having another moment of panicking, and as he calmed down, he put in his own opinion.

"If Kurt doesn't wake up, Blaine's going to have a cow. Everyone knows they were going to last. Kurt was hella annoying in glee club half the time, but he and Finn were still my best bros. He and Blaine were the perfect couple."

Mercedes and Quinn agreed with him, and the conversation seemed to end at that. Kurt was surprised to hear them talk about him that way. He had admittedly thought about the idea of marrying Blaine on more than one occasion, but didn't know others, especially _Puck_ of all people, supported them so much.

Seeing how Finn's death had affected him and Rachel was truly hard for Kurt to watch. He had lost his brother, but he also had to take into account that Puck had lost a best friend; Rachel had lost her boyfriend. Knowing that he wasn't the only one affected was both reassuring and heartbreaking.

Kurt knew if he died that his friends would be sad, of course. But would they _really_ miss him that much? That was where he just didn't know. In ten years, would they remember him? How quickly would Blaine find someone else?

And hearing them talk about Kurt in past tense, like he was already dead, got to him the most. He was _not_ dead. Not yet anyways. Leaving them was going to be the most painful thing he had ever done. Kurt wished he could tell them each how much he loved them, and just that he was there.

But his story wasn't over yet. Kurt hated to leave them, even just for a little while, but he knew he needed to stop procrastinating. He left the waiting room, followed all the signs and maps, and entered the chapel.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Writing this chapter gave me so many sads even though it's super short. Ugh. I hate getting emotional when I write.

Side note: Noah Puckerman is the biggest Klaine shipper.


End file.
